What Does Feeling Safe in Therapy Mean?
Why Safety in Therapy Deserves More Than a Buzzword
In therapeutic and healing spaces, the word "safety" is used often; however, it's not always understood, embodied, or felt.
For clients, particularly those navigating trauma, grief, identity transitions, and associated nervous system dysregulation, safety is more than a comforting tone or warm environment.
It's a heartfelt sense of being seen, heard, supported without urgency, and met without assumption.
"Feeling safe is the treatment. Creating safety is the work." ~ Dr. Peter Levine
As clinicians and practitioners, we cannot assume that our presence feels safe. In fact, for many clients, even reaching out for mental health support is an act of immense courage.
What Safety Actually Means in Trauma-Sensitive Practice
At New Leaf with Nisha, I integrate principles of counselling (talk therapy), somatic practices, and Trauma Centre Trauma Sensitive Yoga (TCTSY). These modalities help co-create a container where clients can reconnect with their bodies, emotions, feelings, associated sensations and inner knowing at their own pace.
In trauma-sensitive care, safety is more than relational warmth and it's created through intentional behaviours, somatic awareness, and the client's sense of choice. Techniques such as invitational language, permission to pause, and nervous system literacy can help clients remain connected to themselves, rather than dissociating or shutting down. In this space, we're not pushing for breakthroughs or following a stepwise process a therapy style might recommend; we're allowing inward safety to unfold, step by step.
Hence, safety in therapy is not a destination. It's a relational process.
It involves:
Consistency and presence
Respect for resistance and pacing
A commitment to choice and autonomy
Awareness of how trauma lives in the body, not just the mind
For practitioners, it's helpful to remember that often, clients assess for safety and trust along with insight in early sessions. And sometimes, especially for those with relational trauma, even attunement can feel threatening at first.
So, what helps create that sense of safety, especially when someone is carrying trauma, grief, or emotional overwhelm?
In trauma-sensitive and somatic practice, safety is not just built through words but, it's co-created through attunement, choice, nervous system awareness, and relational pacing.
Here are a few trauma-aware techniques that can support that process:
1. Invitational Language (not instructional)
Instead of telling clients what to do, therapists offer options:
"If it feels okay, would you like to pause and notice your breath?"
"You're welcome to stay with that silence if that feels supportive."
This reduces pressure and helps clients stay connected to their agency — a vital part of healing, especially after experiences of powerlessness.
2. Permission-Oriented Practices
Explicitly stating that the client has permission to:
Take breaks
Redirect the session
Not respond
Sit in silence
This communicates respect and reinforces the client's role in directing the pace.
3. Nervous System Literacy
Introducing the idea that the client's responses (shutdown, agitation, dissociation) are not signs of failure, but signs of how their nervous system is protecting them. This builds self-trust and reduces shame.
4. Somatic Anchoring
Gentle somatic techniques like:
Pressing feet into the floor
Noticing points of contact with a chair
Placing a hand over the heart or belly
These support interoceptive awareness, which helps clients return to the present moment without overwhelm.
5. Predictability & Transparency
Letting clients know what to expect in a session — and honouring endings, beginnings, and transitions — fosters trust. For example:
"We have about 10 minutes left; would you like to start slowing down or stay where we are?"
TCTSY shifts the emphasis from "doing it right" to experiencing what feels right for you. This distinction is vital, especially when supporting individuals whose experiences of trauma may have included a loss of agency, autonomy, or body trust.
Recognising Emotional Armour as Adaptive Wisdom
Clients often arrive in therapy with what I call emotional armour - the survival strategies shaped by past environments. And, as we know, survivors are geniuses as they have survived some very challenging times during their lifetime. Hence, these might look like:
Over-intellectualising:
Relying heavily on logic to avoid feeling (e.g., "I've read a lot about this, I understand it mentally…")
People-pleasing or masking
Hiding one's true feelings to maintain a connection or avoid judgment.
Emotional numbness
Feeling flat, emotionally distant, or "not really here" in session, even when showing up consistently.
Hyper-independence or withdrawal
"I don't need anyone. I'll deal with this on my own." (Often rooted in unmet needs or broken trust.)
Sarcasm, humour, or overexplaining
Using performance or wit to stay away from vulnerability.
These are not "blocks to progress", they are signs of lived experience.
They represent a brilliant, adaptive nervous system doing its best to survive.
In trauma-sensitive care, our job is not to dismantle someone's armour. It's to honour and gently invite awareness beneath it, when and if safety allows.
And sometimes, playfulness or humour, in moderation, can offer the nervous system a sense of lightness or release. When offered with attunement, these moments can be just as reparative as stillness or reflection.
What Safety Might Sound Like in Session
Safety is not achieved through technique, but in how we offer and embody those techniques.
In trauma-informed work, it might sound like:
"You're welcome to pause or take a break anytime."
"We don't have to go there today. We can stay with what feels accessible."
"If it feels okay, we can gently notice what's coming up; if not, that's perfectly okay too."
These moments offer permission, pacing, and presence, and often become the medicine, not just the modality.
For Clients: Questions to Ask When Exploring Therapy
If you're considering therapy, especially for the first time or after a rupture, give yourselves permission to ask:
"What does safety mean to you in your practice?"
"How do you respond if I need to slow down or pause?"
"Do you work with somatic or trauma-sensitive approaches?"
"What might I expect in the first few sessions?"
If a therapist responds with curiosity and respect, rather than defensiveness or urgency, that's often a sign of a safety-aware practitioner.
For Practitioners: Questions for Self-Reflection
How do I know when a client feels safe?
Do I offer permission before I offer techniques?
Am I comfortable with silence, resistance, or non-linearity?
How do I respond when clients assert boundaries?
Do I trust the client's pacing, especially if it's slower than mine?
Safety Is a Verb
"Although 'safety' is a noun in the dictionary, let's use it more as a verb - by practicing safe behaviours." ~ Nisha, New Leaf with Nisha
Safety is co-created - moment by moment, and session by session.
It's breath-by-breath.
It's about relationships, not resolution.
In trauma-informed work, "just being" is not passive; it's profound.
A Gentle Closing
Whether you're a client wondering if safety is even possible, or a practitioner rethinking how you offer it, know this:
Safety doesn't have to feel immediate to be real
You don't have to rush to trust
Your armour is welcome
And your pace is valid
Together, we notice.
Together, we breathe.
And slowly, together, we begin to heal.
With care,
Nisha
References & Suggested Reading:
Levine, P. A. (1997). Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma. North Atlantic Books.
Levine, P. A. (2010). In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness. North Atlantic Books.
van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Viking.
Ogden, P., Minton, K., & Pain, C. (2006). Trauma and the Body: A Sensorimotor Approach to Psychotherapy. W. W. Norton & Company.
Emerson, D., & Hopper, E. (2011). Overcoming Trauma Through Yoga: Reclaiming Your Body. North Atlantic Books.
Sisson, S. H. (2008). Ahimsa: The Foundation of Yoga Therapy. International Journal of Yoga Therapy, 18(1), 91–95.
